‘We did manage a blissful break in Wales’: Philip and Theresa May’s round robin

Dear friends,

Goodness what a year! Theresa has made it very clear that we can’t go into excruciating detail, in case it reaches the “oreilles” of a certain Monsieur Jean-Claude, but to share just a summary outcome, she started 2017 with a super visit to the US, then defied expectations with a splendid election victory, and finished with a stunning success in Brussels! Just in time for a well-earned break which we’ll spend relaxing with Mr Attenborough, after whatever feast our resident star chef is planning (Philip’s hoping it won’t involve too much washing-up!). Alas the cricket hasn’t been quite the triumph everyone wanted, but the Aussies will no doubt be relieved to hear that Theresa’s miracle-working is of the strictly political variety!

Most memorable moments? Frankly it’s hard to choose! That first crunchy crisp after we gave them up for Lent? Philip’s was plain, Theresa made it very clear she’d prefer cheese and onion. And like everyone privileged to be present in Manchester, Philip was left reeling by the most talked-about speech in conference history – is it just us or have we been hearing a bit less about roaring lions recently? Little did anyone guess that, a brief eight months after triggering article 50, Theresa would again do the impossible, striking a historic Brexit deal that, at a very reasonable £45 – or so – billion, left Monsieur Barnier & co looking just a tiny bit worried! We’ll certainly be exchanging a wry smile next time the vicar takes as his text “oh ye of little faith”!

Sartorial note from Philip: it’s really rather nice when your brilliant other half appears in Vogue, looking quite exceptionally fabulous! Perhaps you spotted that we went for quite a dramatic new look, darker tones in the LK Bennett dress and coat, accentuated by a striking upswept “do”? Not an everyday style, but Vogue isn’t everyday either, for us mere mortals, and the interview was super, though we were disappointed that “Brexit means Brexit” did not appear even once! Theresa says she must have said it a million times, though it was technically closer to 43.

We had much better luck with “strong and stable government”, mentioned 1,024 times by Theresa alone, in a super election campaign that showed off what friends know as her fun, “wheat field” side, as well as her integrity and tremendous willingness to listen. Philip has never been more impressed by Theresa’s leadership than when she delivered a bold manifesto pledge then did what they said was impossible – decisively scrapped it within four days. Stylewise, it seemed right to let the embellished shoe do most of the heavy lifting.

So, all in all, a truly memorable first-time election and a super learning experience – following which we wish Fiona and Nick all the luck for the future, we’re only sorry there wasn’t time for the sort of send-off they both deserved!

But that sums up our lives these days: “hectic” would be an understatement, though we did manage a blissful break in Wales – without that clear mountain air “Team May” might never have realised that a snap election was, after all, essential for the strong and stable government the country needs. Later, Italy’s beautiful Lake Garda, with its stable waters reflecting the strong peaks above, seemed silently to applaud our decision. Before too long we hope to roam “the emerald isle” with Arlene and Brian, a super couple who’ve been an absolute rock these last months. Theresa wants to make it very clear how much we look forward to welcoming another wonderful new friend, Mr Trump, and to his staying, owing to the steep stairs at No 10, with Her Majesty the Queen.

On a sadder note, those who remember Theresa’s former colleague, George Osborne, will be sorry to hear of his rapid decline on, we understand, a local evening paper. Both of us pray for a time when he can come to terms with his political failure instead of embarrassing himself on a daily basis. Our hearts also go out, this Christmastide, to David Cameron, last heard of living in a hut. Do join us, as we celebrate another outstanding year, in raising a glass to the “left behind”.

A super Christmas and a strong and stable new year to you all,

Theresa and Philip

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